What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 02:38
Put me off passion for life!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Elden Ring Nightreign Patch Notes Include Promised Improvements For Solo Play - GameSpot
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My family never makes their pension either.
Horoscope for Sunday, June 08, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What do women talk about mostly(among themselves)?
I waited trembling.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She wouldn,t have been !
We all went to grammer schools
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was seconnd youngest,
Ive learnt so much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
What is your review of Hartley`s High School, Kolkata?
But ive been too sick for many years..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I couldn’t, believe it.
Aaron Wiggins Is The Key To Understanding OKC’s Revolutionary Depth - Defector
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were not on the streets..
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Fortnite Map Changes In Chapter 6 Season 3: Super - GameSpot
One cannot live in the past .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
All the time i was locked up.
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Who then, do I blame.?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She found it foreign!.
So, i spoilt her more .
I will be 64.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it wasn’t much.
What did i know ?
I write beautiful poetry .
I think the readers, may guess!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was in good health!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I have no regrets .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Comes on , in middle age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My life is so biszare .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Especially a lifetime of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And i lived it daily.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She married twice! .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was scared of men, in general
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I don,t even have a pension.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She loved him until the end.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im still living with it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But, we were locked up after school.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He knew the spot.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was very sick at this time too.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So whats the point in blame.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.